09/12/09 Mystery spiral over Norway

Here is an extract from my novel, Feather & Bone. I think we all know what I'm saying here...

"At first I hear a crackle and a whoosh, and then suddenly there it is, blazing overhead ... it is the first falling star that I have ever seen. Just two other members of the community have claimed to witness one over the years, and now my time has come.

I am amazed at how gracefully it passes, burning like a lamp and showering a trail of sparks in its wake."

9 + 12 + 9 = 30

???

Mysterious sightings on Google Earth

Bunker-bound as I am, Google Earth is a useful tool for me to keep an eye on the world. Here is an unsettling montage of unexplained objects and messages found by eagle-eyed users.

I should say the co-ordinates for my bunker remain secret.

An award for bravery?

Lazlo Strangolov's Feather & Bone has been nominated for the 2010 CILIP Carnegie Medal.

I am surprised and honoured that my little book is on such an illustrious list. I can only think those responsible are wise to the warning within the pages. For the tale hides clues to the nature of a TERRIBLE CATACLYSM. One that is set to befall us all at some point very soon.

These are eagle-eyed and courageous individuals who are clearly anxious to spread the word before all is lost. My guess is they're the kind of canny people who, like me, have taken steps to prepare for the End Times.

As a result, I imagine when the dust clears and the world emerges into a New Age, we can expect it to be heavily populated by libarians.

rise of the zombie beagle

Throughout the summer I have been busy - spinning the tale of a very sad girl indeed.

I have been moved to finalise my next novel should the world fail to end as planned. A good End Time Theorist must always have a get-out clause after all.

For me, this nasty flu business has upset my calculations somewhat. Should I prove to have got the date wrong, we'll need something else to read.

And so, just in case, I have cooked up a tale about a child bereaved of her pet beagle - a decomposing pooch that goes on to be dug up and revived by her father. (Un)naturally she loves him like any pet, despite the squishy bits, and indeed this is put to the test when the loyal beast is dognapped...

I see it as a cross between Lassie Come Home and Dawn of the Dead. The book, complete with further scribblings, will surface courtesy of Walker Books in early 2010.

Until then, I shall continue to monitor the possibilty that our world shall be no more. Which would be a shame now I think about it, after all the effort I've put into writing this second offering.

God speed, my followers!

the coast is clear (for now)

Among my weekly provisions, I found a mouth mask.

I am in isolation in my bunker, but I have been wearing it day and night.

It appears that we are safe for the time being. The Swine Flu didn't wipe out the world as feared. To my great relief, this means my own End Time prediction remains compelling.

Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than having your claims that the world will end on a certain date overshadowed by more immediate events.

So, for now it is safe to leave your burrows. Go out. Enjoy! It won't last long ...

Mark my words.

Swine flu: hello?

All this time I've been focused on the chickens, and look what happens! My research appears to have been turned on its head.



The key is not to panic!!! There is still time for the End Time Theory to lock into place. It might prove to be a Dark Day for the world as we know it. On the upside, it means I won't be proven wrong this time.

Have faith, my friends! Everything will turn out just fine ... the day is still to come when I can safely say 'I told you so.'

Praise be for Feather & Bone

"A page turner with darkly comic events that will have you amazed at the way the story unfolds. You won't be disappointed. Take my word for it."
The Red House

"Gloriously scary, exciting and gruesome. In the hands of Strangolov, the question of 'what's lurking in the dark dark wood' is no longer a cliche."
Irish News

"The humour throughout is darkest black, the style totally tongue-in-cheek and the whole concept hilarious – but not for the squeamish or for anyone with an allergy to poultry or associated odours."
Robert Dunbar, The Irish Times

"Highly original, very entertaining, unfadingly black ... hilarious."
Books for Keeps

"Extraordinary ... Strangolov creates a sense of menace and unease."
Literary Review

"Feather and Bone is one of the spookiest, atmospheric, wonderfully absorbing books I have read so far this year. It’s everything I wanted The Series of Unfortunate Events to be. With respect to Lemony Snicket — Strangolov is better!"
GleanerZine


"Strangely unnerving."
The Bookseller

"Absolutely wonderful."
Junior Eductation Plus

Rather than hope to shake my hand, however, may I suggest you devote your time to preparing for the beginning of The End Times.

Good news also from Germany and The Netherlands, where Feather & Bone - and the coded Domesday date within - will appear in translation.

Let's just hope this happens sooner rather than later.

Eyes to the sky

Chicken Hypnosis

Feather & Bone contains a code revealing the date this year that a great calamity will befall the earth.

If you can't crack the code, however, find your nearest poultry farm and observe.


For they KNOW!


Should you encounter a stricken chicken, one in need of treatment for emotional exhaustion, here's how it's done

first converts

Readers familiar with my belief system will understand why I have chosen not to surface to discuss my novel, Feather & Bone.

After years of preparation for the End Time, which WILL occur this year, it would be foolish of me to venture back to the UK in order to introduce my book to readers. If my calculations proved to be just slightly out, I could find myself stuck in the Confident Readers section without shelter and supplies.

Instead, I have dispatched my friend and literary executor, Mr Matt Whyman. I suspect he does not share my conviction that an almighty catacylsm is set to occur on earth. When I asked him to represent me at an event to mark World Book Day on March 5th, he seemed almost pleased to be offered the spotlight. I can only think he hadn't been invited to partake in any events in his own right as a thriller writer.

Still, I am grateful to my friend for undertaking this venture. He reported back that the audience - fine, attentive students from Rudyard Kipling School in Brighton, paid great attention to the warnings relayed on my behalf. Each and every young reader then returned to their homes with a book in hand and every intention of stockpiling baked beans and bottled water in preparation for the apocalypse.

Above is a photograph of a somewhat shabbily-dressed Mr Whyman - a man crying out for a haircut, it seems - along with my wise young converts. Look beyond the fixed grins, and you can see the sense of dread and panic in their eyes.

As ever, the anotations to this image are all by my own hand.

Feather & Bone: out now!

The date has arrived for my first novel, to see the light of day.

Lazlo Strangolov's Feather & Bone is now available from all good bookstores. If, like me, you are reluctant to visit the shops, you can buy it online as well.

I shall be marking the occasion by researching the significance of the publishing date: 02/03/09. Here are some highlight events that occurred on this date through history:

1791: Invention of the semaphore machine;
1933: King Kong opens at New York's Radio City Hall;
1939: Death of Howard Carter, the archaeologist who discovered the Tomb of Tutankhamun;
1972: The Pioneer Spacecraft is launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with a mission to explore the outer planets.

Be aware that there are now just 304 shopping days left until Christmas, but a great deal less than that before catastrophe befalls our world.

Lazlo's video vault

At precisely two minutes and thirty two seconds into this clip from the movie, Nosferatu, a cockerel appears at the window and scares the vampire back to his lair.

Be nice to the poultry! You never know when you might need their assistance.

a portrait for my people

feeling better now

Two days ago, I began to display flu-like symptoms.

Naturally, I feared the worst. A headache and a runny nose can be an early indicator of rabies or smallpox, and so I took to my bed.

I have not seen a doctor since 1999. They won't come out this far. So, it's always a mystery to me when I do fall sick. I completely trust the one individual who brings my provisions, and so poisoning cannot explain it.

The internet is the only connection I have with the outside world. So, could this be a computer virus modified to infect humans? Those who intend to prevent my forecasts for the future have boundless resources. For them, the impossible is merely a challenge.

Today, I awoke feeling much better. Even so, I am not prepared to dismiss my suspicions, and accept that the kind soul who brings me food and water might have given me a cold.

Bless you for visiting my blog.

be prepared ...

Lazlo Strangolov's Panic Attack Survival Guide

Last night, while researching a link between supernovas and the swarming patterns of locusts, I felt a tightness in my chest.

My skin prickled, my mouth became dry, and my breathing quickened. Rising from my workstation in the bunker's west wing, I immediately felt the urge to scramble from my underground dwelling. Naturally, I keep the hatch under triple lock and key. It is a precaution I have put in place to prevent myself from doing anything foolish while gripped by a panic attack.

This is not the first time I have found myself in such a spin. As my work is devoted to the foretelling of future events, I often make discoveries that both startle and dismay.

Having experienced several attacks already this year, in view of what I know, I now have a system for restoring a sense of calm. It is something I feel that I should share with you. As details of the world's End Time is contained as a code within the pages of Feather & Bone, I expect those who crack it might be somewhat freaked out.

The key is to be prepared, and follow these steps:

1. Remind yourself that this is just a panic attack. Not easy when you've just discovered that a cataclysmic event is set to befall the globe.
2. Control your breathing. Not easy when time is running out.
3. Clench your fists and then relax them. Not easy when you're hammering on the hatch demanding to be let out.

I realise my advice is based upon personal experience. You may find alternative coping strategies. If all else fails, I find breathing in and out of a paper bag can help bring a sense of calm. Just be sure you don't inhale the whole thing, or blow it apart on exhaling.

Believe me, if you're wise to my findings, it is easily done.

If you go into the woods today...

The time has come to surface

Not literally, you understand. I have no intention of leaving this subterranean stronghold. An almighty cataclysm is set to befall our world, and those who trust my word would be wise to seek shelter as I have.

The date on which this disaster will occur? I would not be so foolish as to publish it here. In a bid to avoid panic buying of baked beans and blankets, I have instead buried the information in a little children's tale of mystery and suspense.

Lazlo Strangolov's Feather & Bone is set to surface in the UK on March 2nd, published by the wise souls at Walker Books. It is a cautionary story about exploding rabbits, challenged chickens and an isolated community with many dark, unspeakable secrets.

I hope it frightens and amuses in equal measure. I also trust that the eagle-eyed among you will crack the code that could prove to be the key for survival.

Having inhabited this bunker, somewhere in the foothills of the Romanian mountains, since New Year's Eve, 1999, I trust my calculations regarding the end of the world as we know it will prove correct this time.

Ten years ago, I made the mistake of relying upon popular opinion within the world of prophecy belief.

Since then, I have devoted myself to uncovering the correct date for Doomsday. I shall no longer rely upon the word of idiots, charlatans and sheep. If I am right, may I suggest you take your summer holidays early this year.

Until then, I have decided to go public with my theories, fears, hopes and beliefs, all of which you can read here. We do not have much time. Only the switched on will survive! Also the chickens.

Thank you for listening.

Your friend from the underground, Lazlo Strangolov.